CURIOUS
SELF: “Why
is Letting Go of Past Love Relationship so important? What is the most
effective method of moving on and finding happiness? Why are Love Relationships
sometimes so painful experiences even when I did my best? I though we were soulmates but why was I wrong? Will my pain and suffering end soon? How long does it take to let go of Past Love Relationships?"
Working on letting go of
all past romantic and intimate relationships and negativity from our life
experiences is a good idea. Amazingly I had not realized that I had stored so
much of emotional repressed energy inside of me and that was manifesting itself
as self-doubt and resistance to new loving relationships and progress in my
life. As I started unraveling more and more of the past and doing the Letting
Go exercises, I found myself with more energy, inner fulfillment and inner
peace. Understanding the reasons and importance of letting go of the past was
one the biggest steps that helped me in this process. What I will share here
are the reasons to let go of the past and effective tools that will help in
releasing all past relationships, old beliefs systems and suppressed emotions.
Why letting go of the
past is so important: When
someone does not fully honor and respect who we are creating ourselves to be in
the future, they simply do not deserve to be a part of our life. When
unresolved and incomplete relationships, people, events are lingering around
inside of us they will prevent us from moving forward and achieving our full
potential and dreams. It might seem very difficult to let go of someone we
love, but it must be done. It might be very difficult to let go of a project
that we enjoyed a lot, but it must be done. It might be very difficult to let
go of old belief systems that we were addicted to, that gave us a false sense
of superiority, yet it must be done. It might be very difficult to let go of the
comfort of being in the familiar even though it is counter-productive, yet it
must be done. The past is only an illusion and exists in our imagination and
all the emotions attached to it are unreal. The past has occurred the way it
did and nothing we do can alter the past. Power lies in the now moment and the
choice to let go of the past and be free to create a powerful future that
fulfills us deeply.
Exercises to Let Go of
Past Relationships:
(1) Write down the
entire relationship experience on paper, then tear the paper, repeat this
process for two weeks.
(2) Find a trusted
friend, share your entire story, repeat this process with the same friend or
other trusted friends.
(3) Stand in front of
the mirror, speak out loud the entire relationship experience, repeat this
process for two weeks.
(4) Compose an email
with the entire relationship experience, send the email to yourself, read it
the next day, delete the email and repeat the process for two weeks.
(5) Leave yourself a
voice mail or use voice recording software and narrate the entire relationship
experience, listen to the recording the next day, delete the recording and
repeat the process for two weeks.
(6) Sit in front of an
empty chair, image the person is in front of you, in first-person, address the imaginary person in front of you and say whatever there is you want to
say to this person to find closure and repeat the process for two weeks.
(7) Write down the
entire relationship experience and post it to yourself, when you receive it,
read it and tear the letter, repeat the process for two weeks.
(8) Find a group that
works on relationships and emotions, share your story with the group.
(9) Listen to online
videos on letting go for 15 min daily.
(10) Read online
articles and books on letting go.
(11) List down all the
lessons learned and future precautions that will make a difference.
(12) Help another friends or person that is struggling with letting go of past relationships and life
experiences.
(13) Daily Meditation
Routine that includes forgiveness of Love Partners for all the pain and
suffering that they have caused us.
Remember it is very
important to let go of all the past relationships and experiences to create an
abundant future, there will be times when the feelings return, don’t fight
these feelings, let them come and release them using the above exercises and
very soon all the past experiences will fade way and create a space for new and
fun relationships and experiences to enter into our lives. Letting go of the
past is like cleaning our home, doing it regularly will keep our lives full of
happiness, peace and prosperity. Letting go of the past is like buying a new
piece of land and building our dream house. Letting go of the past is like
taking a vacation to an exotic island with our soulmate. Letting go of the past
is like losing 10 lbs of excess fat and making us slim and trim. Always
remember to be patient, allow for the healing process to fully take effect,
never rush or force ourselves, kindness, gentleness and love are the best
tonics for letting go of the past relationships.
Goodbye Brooklyn (1st Jun 2013)
With deep sorrow in my
heart I must say Goodbye to you Brooklyn, I have grown to love you very much
and always wished for us to be together, nevertheless, life has its own ways
and love is beyond one’s control. I have been working very hard on emotionally
letting go of you and our love connection for more than over a year now since
when I last saw you. Today with my new Love Relationship Coach I discussed
about you and our love connection. She told me how courageous I was that I
stood up for myself and was strong enough to let go of something so beautiful,
so precious, so divine, so important. I clearly remember the first time I saw
you in Oct 2007 and feel like it was just yesterday, your mesmerizing eyes and
your captivating energy, it was so fulfilling, so real, so pure. That day I did
not know you would help me so much in my growth and healing process, you would
be a great friend to me, you would bring out the best in me, you would make me
happy, you would make me feel love and joy.
As I got to know you
more, I found that you had such a special soul, a person with great passion for
life, you had a fighting spirit, you were so confident about everything and you
were so gifted and intelligent. Every moment that I spent with you was special
and made me stronger, every day that I thought about your words made me mature
and wise, every time that I prayed for you made me peaceful, every time I
shared myself with you made me feel complete. I remember the day you shared
with me about how much you loved your grandma, how you would go visit the place
where her last remains were scattered, I deeply felt your sorrow and your pain.
I remember the day when someone keyed your car, you were emotionally hurt, that
time you started crying in my arms, I deeply felt your sorrow and your pain. I
remember the last time we met, I told you that it’s time for us to go our
separate ways, what we wanted out of life was very different and what we
expected from each other would no longer work, you were calm and cool, yet you
did not want to lose our love connection, I deeply felt your sorrow and your
pain.
I remember the day I
shared about my first Love Relationship with you, how you encouraged me to let
her go, you told me to enjoy my future, you said how I should focus on myself,
that I will have a great life, how strange is it now that I find myself neither
able to let go of her after 11 years nor able to let go of you after 2 years.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I have such strong emotions and love connections that
seem to have no real future, why do I have to go though these love
relationships to seek my happiness, why do I have to endure the trials and
hardships of being deeply in love and reaching a place where I then have to say
Goodbye. Like you always say, “Only Time Will Tell” and I am eagerly waiting
for time to give me the answers to every tear that I have shed, every
heart-break that I have to heal from, every memory that I want to erase, every
fear that I want to conquer. I remember the day when you were upset on me
because I had got you late for work the previous week, you said I got you into
trouble and when I apologized to you, you forgave me instantly and said it was
ok, that moment was so precious, I got to know how kind you really were, I got
to experience your tenderness and gentleness.
I remember when you
wanted a puppy, we got a precious yorkie, Bentley. I never would have imagined
that I would grow to love Bentley so much as I do, I miss Bentley a lot and
feel so sad that I will never see him again, he is so much like you, strong,
loveable, cute, adorable and mischievous. I remember once we tried to get him
out of his hiding place and he was causing us so much trouble, in a fun way
though. I remember while he was growing up, suddenly he started to jump very
high and it was so amazing watching him. For a 4 year long Love Journey with
you, for being such a great part of my life, for being such an important
contribution to my growth, for being such a trusted friend, for being such a
blessing to me, I thank you Brooklyn from the bottom of my heart and wish that
wherever you are and whatever you do, may success and happiness always follow
you and be by your side. Goodbye Brooklyn.
Goodbye Reena (4th Aug 2013)
Today I want to share
about an amazing Love connection that I had with a most kind-hearted woman for
5 years. We met each other only once when I had been to India in 2006,
nevertheless, our connection was strong enough to survive for such a long time
period and we also created several education projects for under-privileged
children that it makes me so happy today that I found Reena and had the good
fortune to share many precious emotional moments with her while making a
difference in the lives of several children. The first time I called her was in
Sep 2006 with the intention of getting to know her better as a possible life
partner for marriage. We connected strongly and we spoke with each other every
day at length and bonded so well. Her curiosity, her sharpness, her wit, her
tenacity, her trust all complimented my compassion, my calmness, my confidence,
my wisdom. I was lucky to find a great intimate friend and companion seven seas
across in my home land just waiting for me.
I went to India in Nov
2006 during thanks-giving holidays to met her and finalize our marriage if we
both hit it off in person as well. Alas, to my dismay, when we met in person I
felt we were not a good match and when I expressed my reservations she was
heart-broken. To make her feel better we went for a stroll around the
neighborhood and we found ourselves at a stalemate. I did not want to give her
any false hope and I was hurting myself knowing that we could not be together.
I offered that our families have an opportunity to meet and warned her that
it’s most likely going to be quite a disaster. She still insisted that she
wants to pursue the possibility of marriage so after I returned back to USA,
our families met and as I had predicted it was an unpleasant experience for
everyone involved. We made peace with the fact that it’s better to move on and
for about 6 months we were out of communication. Then one day Kate, one of my
crazy Love Friend, encouraged me to call Reena and check how things were going
with her. I made the call and turns out that Reena had moved to a new city and
found a new job. She was very happy to hear my lovely voice and we started
speaking again, sharing what was going on in our lives.
Then one day we decided
to start a not-for-profit coaching center for children that will help them in
learning and having a better future. For almost a year we were operating the
center that supported almost 25 children in their studies. Reena’s family
wanted her to get married and I was exploring other relationships and understanding
the meaning of life so I did not want to marry her. Finally she chose to get
married to her current husband since her father was under a lot of emotional
stress wanting to see his daughter settled and happy. I knew that someday Reena
would follow the traditional arranged marriage option yet when she told me that
she got engaged, I remember a few tears roll down my cheeks, while wishing her
a happy and prosperous married life. The day before she was to get married she
called me wanting to know if there was any way I would change my mind, if our
love was strong enough for me to commit to her, if we could change what was
happening, she said she loved me a lot and wished things were different. I
still needed time and wanted to wait, but she wanted to go ahead with her
marriage. It must have been an emotional roller coaster for her, but she
survived and learnt to love her husband. We still continued expanding our
education center with computers and full time staff.
As time went by, we
continued to talk and share ourselves, we were happy with things in our lives,
I would share with her my goals and relationship experiences and she would
share with me all the funny silly things going on in her life. Then there came
a time when I had mixed feelings about our relationship, I felt it is an
incomplete go-no-where type relationship that does not serve anyone. On one
hand she had a husband and an intimate phone friend and on the other hand I had
some weak short term relationships and an intimate long distance friend,
eventually it all felt very complicated, unnecessary, heavy and unfulfilling to
me. I finally decided that either I need to end this love triangle or get her
husband up to speed on what was really happening or have her leave her husband
and have a committed relationship with me even though I was planning on having
multiple relationships. Even today I am quite confused on what I really want,
so back then it must have been quite a maze of possibilities. Well, long story
short she wanted both, her husband and me as an intimate virtual lover. That
was that, I could not handle the drama anymore after 5 years and finally I
called it quits and broke off all communication with Reena. To this day I love
Reena and she loves me, just how strange our love relationship was and what an
emotional roller coaster ride for both of us. As I look back at this experience
I see so much love, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, compassion, trust,
belongingness, confusion, grief and pain. Yet, the one thing that makes this
all perfect is that we changed a few children’s lives in a small way no doubt,
and for that I am proud of this Love Relationship and will always regard this
as one of the greatest achievements of my life even above my MBA and my
business success.
Goodbye Soheila (24th Aug 2013)
Today during my Love
Coaching session I discussed about our friendship and how it evolved over time.
Even though I wanted to have a Love Relationship with you, I am happy and
grateful with how our friendship blossomed and it was an honor to be your
friend and companion for several years during which we shared some great
memories and blissful moments. Our friendship began at the salsa classes
offered by our club house and soon we started spending quality time with each
other. I clearly remember once when we went out together you told me about your
struggle to return back to US and the hardships you had to face in the process.
I was inspired and recommended that you write a book about your amazing
journey, I still do hope that one day I find your book online or in a store. I
remember while being with you I always felt amazing and intimate, I felt that
we had a special connection and that we would be together for a long time. When
I had met you I was still recovering from my break-up with Jina and I had lot
of sorrow and internal emotional trauma. Being with you made me feel good and
in a way you helped me recover and feel alive again. I can’t exactly remember
why we stopped seeing each other.
Nevertheless, then I had
my Love Relationships with Susmita, Mika, Reena and Kate. I remember I was
driving with Kate and we saw your car ahead of us. Kate encouraged me to go
speak with you and then we spoke and you were so happy to see me and so was I.
Then we continued our friendship for another year until when I asked you to be
my girl-friend and you were not willing, when I asked you for the reason you
said that I have all the qualities of your potential boyfriend however you did
not feel any chemistry with me. At that time I did not quite understand what
you meant and felt very defensive, but today I do, anyways, then after couple
of years I received some of you mail as I was listed as a reference on school
paperwork. We then met again and re-started our broken friendship. At that time
you were struggling finding a job and I am glad that today you have a stable
job and I am sure that you will very soon find a great position at a great
company. I read some of your online reviews and it seems that you are doing an
amazing job and all your clients are very happy with your efforts. Keep up the
good work, keep applying to new job positions, keep networking, keep going for
interviews and before you know it you will be leading and managing a large team
of motivated individuals, I have full faith and confidence in your abilities.
Few months ago, last
time we met when you came to Sunnyvale and we had dinner together, it was nice
to see you and I remember how you were looking at purchasing hair brushes for
your friend’s cat. I always thought that you would like dogs more, but I guess
you prefer the kitties instead of the canines. At that time, I knew that our
friendship was again at a point where we will have to say good-bye to each
other, though I knew that you needed my friendship and support. I was aware that
just being your friend will not work for me and a Love Relationship between us
will not work for you. Nevertheless, I waited for a few days before I asked you
for a Love Relationship again. Seems like I never tend to give up. I did want
to offer you a choice rather than move on or say goodbye without a reason. This
time was a little different though, in the sense I had designed my life to have
multiple Love Relationships so I wanted to frame my position and offer in a
tactful style as I wanted to give you the best possible chance of accepting and
being part of a great adventure. Alas, you choose otherwise and we wished each
other good luck and blessings. I hope that you made a wise choice and that life
gives you the happiness that you seek.
As my final words to you
I want to capture the things I am most grateful to you for: I thank you for
being a great friend to me, I thank you for sharing your time with me, I thank
you for introducing me to the Secret and Law of Attraction, I thank you for
being a trusted advisor in my Love Relationships, I thank you for gifting me an
amazing flower vase, I thank you for sharing your travel struggle story with
me, I thank you for introducing me to delicious Persian food, I thank you for
introducing me to Zen Green Tea, it’s one of my favorite choices at Star bucks,
I thank you for going to Golden Gate Bridge with me, I thank you for having
Christmas 2007 dinner with me, I thank you for always being candid with me, I
thank you for trying to give our Love Relationship a chance, I thank you for
adding some excitement and spark in my life, I thank you for teaching me the
value of friendship, I thank you for encouraging me, I thank you for making me
a stronger person with more understanding of life and its complexities. Your contributions
in my life are very valuable and I will forever be in debt to you for all that
I have learnt from you experienced with you. Your innocence, your fears, your
trust, your faith, your compassion, your generosity, your struggle, your
passion, your pride, your grace all make you a very special person. You will
always have a permanent place in my heart and I will always pray for your
safety and well-being. Wish me luck in creating my Love Family founded on
Intimate Belongingness and being the best that I can be. Good Luck and God
Bless You Soheila.
Goodbye Olga (7th Sep 2013)
Today during my Love
Coaching session I shared about my experience with you. I remember I was
looking at craigslist posting and found you there, you said something about
spirituality and having great fun, so I replied to you and that’s how our Love
Relationship began. We met for the first time at the Library in Mountain View
and I was very happy to see you. You had blonde hair and mesmerizing eyes, one
of my friends called you “Goldie Locks” and truly so, you were indeed very
beautiful and charming, except for your stained teeth, which do need some
whitening, hopefully you have taken care of that now, hehe. Anyways, I want to
take this opportunity to capture our good memories and wish you all the best in
your marriage and success in your various crazy ventures of life.
I remember you liked to
go to East West Bookstore and during one of the presentations the speaker asked
us what would we like to be doing during our final moments of life, and I
shared with you that I would like to be wiping someone’s tears, you said what
if I could not or would not be in a position to do so, I said that I am
committed to a life of compassion and service. I remember once we were at my
home and we were restless, you yelled at me for some reason, I was hurt then,
not by what you were saying, but by my past hurts and pains that I was
recovering from, I was in tears and felt very emotionally fragile as my wounds
resurfaced, I guess you were protecting your feelings in being aggressive and
strong. Once we were in my car, you had the same high energy tenacious voice,
which really frightened me, not in the sense that I was afraid of being hurt or
experiencing pain, I was just terrified and scared. Whenever you were
aggressive and over passionate you scared me a lot, in a way, I guess my feeble
heart was not in a mood to fight back and choose to stay put, just be calm and
relaxed. Now that I look back, I can tell that your craziness in some way made
me more wise, now I generally refrain from dealing with psychos and high energy
people with low consciousness, my ex-business partner was an example too,
anything I said was like water on a ducks back, for some reason though his
aggressiveness did not frighten me, so I am thinking, it’s the tone or the
pitch of the voice. This is turning more into a complaining session rather than
a happy goodbye.
Back to good moments, I
liked when we went for the Wed meditation session at an Indian home, they were
very generous people and their food was great, I am sure they are helping many
people in a special way, I liked when we played badminton, we had a really good
time together, I liked when we spent time together, I felt very comfortable
around you, I liked when we cuddled and experienced intimacy together, those
moments are very special to me, I liked our long walks and silly talks, those
were good days in our lives, I liked our silent moments when we were just being
with each other, I liked when we went for Art of Living meditation and group
sessions, those were very fulfilling and educational, I liked to pick you up
from work at redwood city, infact once I got into trouble with my client
because I had to leave and he had scheduled a presentation, I had to put my
foot down and he created a lot of fuss, but I managed to be excused, all the
drama for nothing, but a good learning experience though, I liked to give you
massages, it made you more relaxed and peaceful, I liked to listen to your
silliness, it was quite entertaining, I liked to hold your hands, it made me
feel good, basically I liked you quite a lot and miss you.
I see your craziness has
manifested itself on youtube and the internet via many ventures, I do hope you
are able to monetize your efforts, add value to humanity, I pray for your
success, hope that you find the happiness that you sought, also the healing
from your past wounds. I also hope that all the time you were yelling and
screaming about EGO and letting it go, that you finally have managed to
surrender to your EGO, made peace with it. I remember how annoying it was
whenever you brought up the subject of EGO, you could never realize that you
had a completely misguided view of it, though I don’t blame you, your
life experiences made you who you were when we met, I hope that you have
evolved to a higher state, I certainly have. I also hope that the plan you had
of creating a wellness center in Nepal becomes a success, I think that was the
only meaningful project you had ever envisioned and took actions towards
manifesting, if you can manage to make that happen then I will certainly be very
proud of you and take my words back that your craziness is a futile attempt to
hide your weaknesses. Finally I want to express my gratitude for you being a
great companion and love friend in my life journey, I wish things could have
been more amicable between us, we could have had a better Love Relationship, we
could have played more badminton, we could have done more meditation and we
could have been friendlier. You will always be very special to me, I will
always miss your energy and craziness, only Kate came anywhere nearly as close
to your level of craziness, I miss her too, I also thank you for all the good
days that you gave me and helped me in my healing journey towards a healthier
and happy life, I never said this to you so my final words to you, “I Love you
Olga, take it easy, continue your craziness and whiten your teeth.”
Goodbye Lisa (8th Sep 2013)
With great sorrow in my
heart I must go through this process of saying goodbye to you Lisa, you are so
much a part of me that I don’t believe that I will ever forget you or stop
loving you, nevertheless, our Love Journey as good as it was and as precious as
it was, it belongs in the past and the future is calling me to create a Love
Family, so I must let go of all the Love that I have for you to make space for
those who will become part of my Love Family, that is the way of life, it
demands change and sometimes change means letting go of the most precious thing
a person has. Our Love Journey began when I first seen you at your home, I
clearly remember you standing tall amongst all your friends, you were so
beautiful and alluring, at that time I had no clue that we would bond so
strongly and our spirits would be united forever. Today I struggle in my Love
Relationships, but I always remember the good times we had together, but before
that I must apologize to you for not having appreciated you and taking you for
granted many times, I guess I did not know what I had until I lost it. I know
you forgive me and hold no resentment or anger, yet, I want you to know how
much I care for you and appreciate all the good things you have given me. I
must be one of the luckiest man on the planet to have experienced life’s most
intimate moments with someone so pure hearted and divine. After we parted Wei
and Jina entered into my life when I was doing my MBA, those were tough times,
I wish I called more often, spoke with you, made you my friend, but I don’t do
friendships, that’s just me, I remember your email where you said you missed me
a lot, I wish I had saved that email, it’s lost in time, I remember your tears
when I was about to leave for USA, in my excitement I completely forgot about
your feelings, though at that time I was immature, did not have much emotional
empathy, life taught me the hard way how to understand people, especially
women. Sometimes I wonder, if we had met in a different capacity or had we not
met each other, how different our lives would have turned out, I would not have
been the same person that I am today, open for love, ready to be intimate at
the drop of a hat. Well let me take this opportunity to capture our good
moments, some bad ones too.
I remember when your
roommate cut your dress, you were sitting and crying, I saw you, I didn’t know
what was going on, then you showed me your dress, I remember how hurt you were,
I feel your pain and sorrow. I remember once mummy was angry about something,
she made your mother cry, then she made you cry too, watch you cry I also
started crying, I could not hold my tears, then I think daddy intervened, I
feel your pain and sorrow. I remember when we lost our precious Love Kids, at
that time I did not know how important life is, I wish I knew then, had the
knowledge I have today, the loss of our kids must have made you so unhappy, I
feel your pain and sorrow. All the hardships, struggles that you have been
through, all the pain and suffering that you have been through, I know now how
tough it must have been, for I too have endured the same struggles, I am very
happy that life gave me the opportunity to experience these sufferings, for had
not, then I would not have known you so deeply, realized how precious you are
to me.
I want to express my
gratitude to you for all the support and love that you provided to me, I owe
many of my successes in life to your efforts and emotional support, your
intimate companionship made me feel on top of the world, your tasty food made
me happy and a little fat, your cheerful demeanor made me relaxed and peaceful.
I learnt a lot from you, I gained a unique perspective on life, I understood
the true meaning of love, I realized the value of intimate relationships, I am
now able to look beyond the surface, look beyond the superficial, go deep
within, connect with the core, connect with the spirit, connect with the divine
and experience the ultimate oneness and bliss that is reserved for only the
enlightened ones. In Oct 2007 I met Brooklyn, she too was very kind and sweet
to me, I fell in love with her just like I did with you and Jina, but she did
not want to have a permanent Love Relationship with me, I guess just the way I
did not want to have a permanent Love Relationship with you, so it evens out
after all, but I have forgiven Brooklyn, hold no anger or resentment towards
her anymore. Sometimes I wish I could invite all my loved ones under the same
roof, have a grand party, that will be the day. I also fell in love with some
other amazing women, you know Reena, we build a computer center together, Cici
was special to me, Susmita was an exquisite woman, Princess was so feisty, Olga
scared me a lot, yet she was so adorable, Olesya was a firecracker, Kira is so
classy, Soheila was so difficult, Klaudia and I just got into an argument
yesterday, Mika was so intimate with me, Cloe tries to be mean to me, Olivia
and I talk about success, Mei is always complaining. I tried to find you in
every one of them, yet, I also enjoyed their company, each one of them is
unique, special and precious to me, just like you were. I don’t know if I will
ever see you again, but I do hope that life gives us the opportunity to meet
again, I wonder then how will it be, will I tell you how much I missed you or
will I pretend to be fine, I don’t know. What I did not say to you enough while
we were together, “I Love you Lisa, you are a part of my spirit and a millions
goodbyes will not be able to remove you from my heart, you are in me and I am
in you, separate yet united, we shall live in each other’s heart forever.”
