Letting Go of Past Love Relationships

CURIOUS SELF: “Why is Letting Go of Past Love Relationship so important? What is the most effective method of moving on and finding happiness? Why are Love Relationships sometimes so painful experiences even when I did my best? I though we were soulmates but why was I wrong? Will my pain and suffering end soon? How long does it take to let go of Past Love Relationships?"

Working on letting go of all past romantic and intimate relationships and negativity from our life experiences is a good idea. Amazingly I had not realized that I had stored so much of emotional repressed energy inside of me and that was manifesting itself as self-doubt and resistance to new loving relationships and progress in my life. As I started unraveling more and more of the past and doing the Letting Go exercises, I found myself with more energy, inner fulfillment and inner peace. Understanding the reasons and importance of letting go of the past was one the biggest steps that helped me in this process. What I will share here are the reasons to let go of the past and effective tools that will help in releasing all past relationships, old beliefs systems and suppressed emotions.

Why letting go of the past is so important: When someone does not fully honor and respect who we are creating ourselves to be in the future, they simply do not deserve to be a part of our life. When unresolved and incomplete relationships, people, events are lingering around inside of us they will prevent us from moving forward and achieving our full potential and dreams. It might seem very difficult to let go of someone we love, but it must be done. It might be very difficult to let go of a project that we enjoyed a lot, but it must be done. It might be very difficult to let go of old belief systems that we were addicted to, that gave us a false sense of superiority, yet it must be done. It might be very difficult to let go of the comfort of being in the familiar even though it is counter-productive, yet it must be done. The past is only an illusion and exists in our imagination and all the emotions attached to it are unreal. The past has occurred the way it did and nothing we do can alter the past. Power lies in the now moment and the choice to let go of the past and be free to create a powerful future that fulfills us deeply.

Exercises to Let Go of Past Relationships: 

(1) Write down the entire relationship experience on paper, then tear the paper, repeat this process for two weeks.

(2) Find a trusted friend, share your entire story, repeat this process with the same friend or other trusted friends.

(3) Stand in front of the mirror, speak out loud the entire relationship experience, repeat this process for two weeks.

(4) Compose an email with the entire relationship experience, send the email to yourself, read it the next day, delete the email and repeat the process for two weeks.

(5) Leave yourself a voice mail or use voice recording software and narrate the entire relationship experience, listen to the recording the next day, delete the recording and repeat the process for two weeks.

(6) Sit in front of an empty chair, image the person is in front of you, in first-person, address the imaginary person in front of you and say whatever there is you want to say to this person to find closure and repeat the process for two weeks.

(7) Write down the entire relationship experience and post it to yourself, when you receive it, read it and tear the letter, repeat the process for two weeks.

(8) Find a group that works on relationships and emotions, share your story with the group.

(9) Listen to online videos on letting go for 15 min daily.

(10) Read online articles and books on letting go.

(11) List down all the lessons learned and future precautions that will make a difference.

(12) Help another friends or person that is struggling with letting go of past relationships and life experiences.

(13) Daily Meditation Routine that includes forgiveness of Love Partners for all the pain and suffering that they have caused us.

Remember it is very important to let go of all the past relationships and experiences to create an abundant future, there will be times when the feelings return, don’t fight these feelings, let them come and release them using the above exercises and very soon all the past experiences will fade way and create a space for new and fun relationships and experiences to enter into our lives. Letting go of the past is like cleaning our home, doing it regularly will keep our lives full of happiness, peace and prosperity. Letting go of the past is like buying a new piece of land and building our dream house. Letting go of the past is like taking a vacation to an exotic island with our soulmate. Letting go of the past is like losing 10 lbs of excess fat and making us slim and trim. Always remember to be patient, allow for the healing process to fully take effect, never rush or force ourselves, kindness, gentleness and love are the best tonics for letting go of the past relationships.

Goodbye Brooklyn (1st Jun 2013)

With deep sorrow in my heart I must say Goodbye to you Brooklyn, I have grown to love you very much and always wished for us to be together, nevertheless, life has its own ways and love is beyond one’s control. I have been working very hard on emotionally letting go of you and our love connection for more than over a year now since when I last saw you. Today with my new Love Relationship Coach I discussed about you and our love connection. She told me how courageous I was that I stood up for myself and was strong enough to let go of something so beautiful, so precious, so divine, so important. I clearly remember the first time I saw you in Oct 2007 and feel like it was just yesterday, your mesmerizing eyes and your captivating energy, it was so fulfilling, so real, so pure. That day I did not know you would help me so much in my growth and healing process, you would be a great friend to me, you would bring out the best in me, you would make me happy, you would make me feel love and joy.

As I got to know you more, I found that you had such a special soul, a person with great passion for life, you had a fighting spirit, you were so confident about everything and you were so gifted and intelligent. Every moment that I spent with you was special and made me stronger, every day that I thought about your words made me mature and wise, every time that I prayed for you made me peaceful, every time I shared myself with you made me feel complete. I remember the day you shared with me about how much you loved your grandma, how you would go visit the place where her last remains were scattered, I deeply felt your sorrow and your pain. I remember the day when someone keyed your car, you were emotionally hurt, that time you started crying in my arms, I deeply felt your sorrow and your pain. I remember the last time we met, I told you that it’s time for us to go our separate ways, what we wanted out of life was very different and what we expected from each other would no longer work, you were calm and cool, yet you did not want to lose our love connection, I deeply felt your sorrow and your pain.

I remember the day I shared about my first Love Relationship with you, how you encouraged me to let her go, you told me to enjoy my future, you said how I should focus on myself, that I will have a great life, how strange is it now that I find myself neither able to let go of her after 11 years nor able to let go of you after 2 years. Sometimes I wonder, why do I have such strong emotions and love connections that seem to have no real future, why do I have to go though these love relationships to seek my happiness, why do I have to endure the trials and hardships of being deeply in love and reaching a place where I then have to say Goodbye. Like you always say, “Only Time Will Tell” and I am eagerly waiting for time to give me the answers to every tear that I have shed, every heart-break that I have to heal from, every memory that I want to erase, every fear that I want to conquer. I remember the day when you were upset on me because I had got you late for work the previous week, you said I got you into trouble and when I apologized to you, you forgave me instantly and said it was ok, that moment was so precious, I got to know how kind you really were, I got to experience your tenderness and gentleness. 

I remember when you wanted a puppy, we got a precious yorkie, Bentley. I never would have imagined that I would grow to love Bentley so much as I do, I miss Bentley a lot and feel so sad that I will never see him again, he is so much like you, strong, loveable, cute, adorable and mischievous. I remember once we tried to get him out of his hiding place and he was causing us so much trouble, in a fun way though. I remember while he was growing up, suddenly he started to jump very high and it was so amazing watching him. For a 4 year long Love Journey with you, for being such a great part of my life, for being such an important contribution to my growth, for being such a trusted friend, for being such a blessing to me, I thank you Brooklyn from the bottom of my heart and wish that wherever you are and whatever you do, may success and happiness always follow you and be by your side. Goodbye Brooklyn.

Goodbye Reena (4^th Aug 2013)

Today I want to share about an amazing Love connection that I had with a most kind-hearted woman for 5 years. We met each other only once when I had been to India in 2006, nevertheless, our connection was strong enough to survive for such a long time period and we also created several education projects for under-privileged children that it makes me so happy today that I found Reena and had the good fortune to share many precious emotional moments with her while making a difference in the lives of several children. The first time I called her was in Sep 2006 with the intention of getting to know her better as a possible life partner for marriage. We connected strongly and we spoke with each other every day at length and bonded so well. Her curiosity, her sharpness, her wit, her tenacity, her trust all complimented my compassion, my calmness, my confidence, my wisdom. I was lucky to find a great intimate friend and companion seven seas across in my home land just waiting for me.

I went to India in Nov 2006 during thanks-giving holidays to met her and finalize our marriage if we both hit it off in person as well. Alas, to my dismay, when we met in person I felt we were not a good match and when I expressed my reservations she was heart-broken. To make her feel better we went for a stroll around the neighborhood and we found ourselves at a stalemate. I did not want to give her any false hope and I was hurting myself knowing that we could not be together. I offered that our families have an opportunity to meet and warned her that it’s most likely going to be quite a disaster. She still insisted that she wants to pursue the possibility of marriage so after I returned back to USA, our families met and as I had predicted it was an unpleasant experience for everyone involved. We made peace with the fact that it’s better to move on and for about 6 months we were out of communication. Then one day Kate, one of my crazy Love Friend, encouraged me to call Reena and check how things were going with her. I made the call and turns out that Reena had moved to a new city and found a new job. She was very happy to hear my lovely voice and we started speaking again, sharing what was going on in our lives.

Then one day we decided to start a not-for-profit coaching center for children that will help them in learning and having a better future. For almost a year we were operating the center that supported almost 25 children in their studies. Reena’s family wanted her to get married and I was exploring other relationships and understanding the meaning of life so I did not want to marry her. Finally she chose to get married to her current husband since her father was under a lot of emotional stress wanting to see his daughter settled and happy. I knew that someday Reena would follow the traditional arranged marriage option yet when she told me that she got engaged, I remember a few tears roll down my cheeks, while wishing her a happy and prosperous married life. The day before she was to get married she called me wanting to know if there was any way I would change my mind, if our love was strong enough for me to commit to her, if we could change what was happening, she said she loved me a lot and wished things were different. I still needed time and wanted to wait, but she wanted to go ahead with her marriage. It must have been an emotional roller coaster for her, but she survived and learnt to love her husband. We still continued expanding our education center with computers and full time staff.

As time went by, we continued to talk and share ourselves, we were happy with things in our lives, I would share with her my goals and relationship experiences and she would share with me all the funny silly things going on in her life. Then there came a time when I had mixed feelings about our relationship, I felt it is an incomplete go-no-where type relationship that does not serve anyone. On one hand she had a husband and an intimate phone friend and on the other hand I had some weak short term relationships and an intimate long distance friend, eventually it all felt very complicated, unnecessary, heavy and unfulfilling to me. I finally decided that either I need to end this love triangle or get her husband up to speed on what was really happening or have her leave her husband and have a committed relationship with me even though I was planning on having multiple relationships. Even today I am quite confused on what I really want, so back then it must have been quite a maze of possibilities. Well, long story short she wanted both, her husband and me as an intimate virtual lover. That was that, I could not handle the drama anymore after 5 years and finally I called it quits and broke off all communication with Reena. To this day I love Reena and she loves me, just how strange our love relationship was and what an emotional roller coaster ride for both of us. As I look back at this experience I see so much love, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, compassion, trust, belongingness, confusion, grief and pain. Yet, the one thing that makes this all perfect is that we changed a few children’s lives in a small way no doubt, and for that I am proud of this Love Relationship and will always regard this as one of the greatest achievements of my life even above my MBA and my business success.

Goodbye Soheila (24^th Aug 2013)

Today during my Love Coaching session I discussed about our friendship and how it evolved over time. Even though I wanted to have a Love Relationship with you, I am happy and grateful with how our friendship blossomed and it was an honor to be your friend and companion for several years during which we shared some great memories and blissful moments. Our friendship began at the salsa classes offered by our club house and soon we started spending quality time with each other. I clearly remember once when we went out together you told me about your struggle to return back to US and the hardships you had to face in the process. I was inspired and recommended that you write a book about your amazing journey, I still do hope that one day I find your book online or in a store. I remember while being with you I always felt amazing and intimate, I felt that we had a special connection and that we would be together for a long time. When I had met you I was still recovering from my break-up with Jina and I had lot of sorrow and internal emotional trauma. Being with you made me feel good and in a way you helped me recover and feel alive again. I can’t exactly remember why we stopped seeing each other.

Nevertheless, then I had my Love Relationships with Susmita, Mika, Reena and Kate. I remember I was driving with Kate and we saw your car ahead of us. Kate encouraged me to go speak with you and then we spoke and you were so happy to see me and so was I. Then we continued our friendship for another year until when I asked you to be my girl-friend and you were not willing, when I asked you for the reason you said that I have all the qualities of your potential boyfriend however you did not feel any chemistry with me. At that time I did not quite understand what you meant and felt very defensive, but today I do, anyways, then after couple of years I received some of you mail as I was listed as a reference on school paperwork. We then met again and re-started our broken friendship. At that time you were struggling finding a job and I am glad that today you have a stable job and I am sure that you will very soon find a great position at a great company. I read some of your online reviews and it seems that you are doing an amazing job and all your clients are very happy with your efforts. Keep up the good work, keep applying to new job positions, keep networking, keep going for interviews and before you know it you will be leading and managing a large team of motivated individuals, I have full faith and confidence in your abilities.

Few months ago, last time we met when you came to Sunnyvale and we had dinner together, it was nice to see you and I remember how you were looking at purchasing hair brushes for your friend’s cat. I always thought that you would like dogs more, but I guess you prefer the kitties instead of the canines. At that time, I knew that our friendship was again at a point where we will have to say good-bye to each other, though I knew that you needed my friendship and support. I was aware that just being your friend will not work for me and a Love Relationship between us will not work for you. Nevertheless, I waited for a few days before I asked you for a Love Relationship again. Seems like I never tend to give up. I did want to offer you a choice rather than move on or say goodbye without a reason. This time was a little different though, in the sense I had designed my life to have multiple Love Relationships so I wanted to frame my position and offer in a tactful style as I wanted to give you the best possible chance of accepting and being part of a great adventure. Alas, you choose otherwise and we wished each other good luck and blessings. I hope that you made a wise choice and that life gives you the happiness that you seek. 

As my final words to you I want to capture the things I am most grateful to you for: I thank you for being a great friend to me, I thank you for sharing your time with me, I thank you for introducing me to the Secret and Law of Attraction, I thank you for being a trusted advisor in my Love Relationships, I thank you for gifting me an amazing flower vase, I thank you for sharing your travel struggle story with me, I thank you for introducing me to delicious Persian food, I thank you for introducing me to Zen Green Tea, it’s one of my favorite choices at Star bucks, I thank you for going to Golden Gate Bridge with me, I thank you for having Christmas 2007 dinner with me, I thank you for always being candid with me, I thank you for trying to give our Love Relationship a chance, I thank you for adding some excitement and spark in my life, I thank you for teaching me the value of friendship, I thank you for encouraging me, I thank you for making me a stronger person with more understanding of life and its complexities. Your contributions in my life are very valuable and I will forever be in debt to you for all that I have learnt from you experienced with you. Your innocence, your fears, your trust, your faith, your compassion, your generosity, your struggle, your passion, your pride, your grace all make you a very special person. You will always have a permanent place in my heart and I will always pray for your safety and well-being. Wish me luck in creating my Love Family founded on Intimate Belongingness and being the best that I can be. Good Luck and God Bless You Soheila.

Goodbye Olga (7^th Sep 2013)

Today during my Love Coaching session I shared about my experience with you. I remember I was looking at craigslist posting and found you there, you said something about spirituality and having great fun, so I replied to you and that’s how our Love Relationship began. We met for the first time at the Library in Mountain View and I was very happy to see you. You had blonde hair and mesmerizing eyes, one of my friends called you “Goldie Locks” and truly so, you were indeed very beautiful and charming, except for your stained teeth, which do need some whitening, hopefully you have taken care of that now, hehe. Anyways, I want to take this opportunity to capture our good memories and wish you all the best in your marriage and success in your various crazy ventures of life.

I remember you liked to go to East West Bookstore and during one of the presentations the speaker asked us what would we like to be doing during our final moments of life, and I shared with you that I would like to be wiping someone’s tears, you said what if I could not or would not be in a position to do so, I said that I am committed to a life of compassion and service. I remember once we were at my home and we were restless, you yelled at me for some reason, I was hurt then, not by what you were saying, but by my past hurts and pains that I was recovering from, I was in tears and felt very emotionally fragile as my wounds resurfaced, I guess you were protecting your feelings in being aggressive and strong. Once we were in my car, you had the same high energy tenacious voice, which really frightened me, not in the sense that I was afraid of being hurt or experiencing pain, I was just terrified and scared. Whenever you were aggressive and over passionate you scared me a lot, in a way, I guess my feeble heart was not in a mood to fight back and choose to stay put, just be calm and relaxed. Now that I look back, I can tell that your craziness in some way made me more wise, now I generally refrain from dealing with psychos and high energy people with low consciousness, my ex-business partner was an example too, anything I said was like water on a ducks back, for some reason though his aggressiveness did not frighten me, so I am thinking, it’s the tone or the pitch of the voice. This is turning more into a complaining session rather than a happy goodbye.

Back to good moments, I liked when we went for the Wed meditation session at an Indian home, they were very generous people and their food was great, I am sure they are helping many people in a special way, I liked when we played badminton, we had a really good time together, I liked when we spent time together, I felt very comfortable around you, I liked when we cuddled and experienced intimacy together, those moments are very special to me, I liked our long walks and silly talks, those were good days in our lives, I liked our silent moments when we were just being with each other, I liked when we went for Art of Living meditation and group sessions, those were very fulfilling and educational, I liked to pick you up from work at redwood city, infact once I got into trouble with my client because I had to leave and he had scheduled a presentation, I had to put my foot down and he created a lot of fuss, but I managed to be excused, all the drama for nothing, but a good learning experience though, I liked to give you massages, it made you more relaxed and peaceful, I liked to listen to your silliness, it was quite entertaining, I liked to hold your hands, it made me feel good, basically I liked you quite a lot and miss you.

I see your craziness has manifested itself on youtube and the internet via many ventures, I do hope you are able to monetize your efforts, add value to humanity, I pray for your success, hope that you find the happiness that you sought, also the healing from your past wounds. I also hope that all the time you were yelling and screaming about EGO and letting it go, that you finally have managed to surrender to your EGO, made peace with it. I remember how annoying it was whenever you brought up the subject of EGO, you could never realize that you had a completely misguided view of it, though I don’t blame you,  your life experiences made you who you were when we met, I hope that you have evolved to a higher state, I certainly have. I also hope that the plan you had of creating a wellness center in Nepal becomes a success, I think that was the only meaningful project you had ever envisioned and took actions towards manifesting, if you can manage to make that happen then I will certainly be very proud of you and take my words back that your craziness is a futile attempt to hide your weaknesses. Finally I want to express my gratitude for you being a great companion and love friend in my life journey, I wish things could have been more amicable between us, we could have had a better Love Relationship, we could have played more badminton, we could have done more meditation and we could have been friendlier. You will always be very special to me, I will always miss your energy and craziness, only Kate came anywhere nearly as close to your level of craziness, I miss her too, I also thank you for all the good days that you gave me and helped me in my healing journey towards a healthier and happy life, I never said this to you so my final words to you, “I Love you Olga, take it easy, continue your craziness and whiten your teeth.”

Goodbye Lisa (8^th Sep 2013)

With great sorrow in my heart I must go through this process of saying goodbye to you Lisa, you are so much a part of me that I don’t believe that I will ever forget you or stop loving you, nevertheless, our Love Journey as good as it was and as precious as it was, it belongs in the past and the future is calling me to create a Love Family, so I must let go of all the Love that I have for you to make space for those who will become part of my Love Family, that is the way of life, it demands change and sometimes change means letting go of the most precious thing a person has. Our Love Journey began when I first seen you at your home, I clearly remember you standing tall amongst all your friends, you were so beautiful and alluring, at that time I had no clue that we would bond so strongly and our spirits would be united forever. Today I struggle in my Love Relationships, but I always remember the good times we had together, but before that I must apologize to you for not having appreciated you and taking you for granted many times, I guess I did not know what I had until I lost it. I know you forgive me and hold no resentment or anger, yet, I want you to know how much I care for you and appreciate all the good things you have given me. I must be one of the luckiest man on the planet to have experienced life’s most intimate moments with someone so pure hearted and divine. After we parted Wei and Jina entered into my life when I was doing my MBA, those were tough times, I wish I called more often, spoke with you, made you my friend, but I don’t do friendships, that’s just me, I remember your email where you said you missed me a lot, I wish I had saved that email, it’s lost in time, I remember your tears when I was about to leave for USA, in my excitement I completely forgot about your feelings, though at that time I was immature, did not have much emotional empathy, life taught me the hard way how to understand people, especially women. Sometimes I wonder, if we had met in a different capacity or had we not met each other, how different our lives would have turned out, I would not have been the same person that I am today, open for love, ready to be intimate at the drop of a hat. Well let me take this opportunity to capture our good moments, some bad ones too.

I remember when your roommate cut your dress, you were sitting and crying, I saw you, I didn’t know what was going on, then you showed me your dress, I remember how hurt you were, I feel your pain and sorrow. I remember once mummy was angry about something, she made your mother cry, then she made you cry too, watch you cry I also started crying, I could not hold my tears, then I think daddy intervened, I feel your pain and sorrow. I remember when we lost our precious Love Kids, at that time I did not know how important life is, I wish I knew then, had the knowledge I have today, the loss of our kids must have made you so unhappy, I feel your pain and sorrow. All the hardships, struggles that you have been through, all the pain and suffering that you have been through, I know now how tough it must have been, for I too have endured the same struggles, I am very happy that life gave me the opportunity to experience these sufferings, for had not, then I would not have known you so deeply, realized how precious you are to me.

I want to express my gratitude to you for all the support and love that you provided to me, I owe many of my successes in life to your efforts and emotional support, your intimate companionship made me feel on top of the world, your tasty food made me happy and a little fat, your cheerful demeanor made me relaxed and peaceful. I learnt a lot from you, I gained a unique perspective on life, I understood the true meaning of love, I realized the value of intimate relationships, I am now able to look beyond the surface, look beyond the superficial, go deep within, connect with the core, connect with the spirit, connect with the divine and experience the ultimate oneness and bliss that is reserved for only the enlightened ones. In Oct 2007 I met Brooklyn, she too was very kind and sweet to me, I fell in love with her just like I did with you and Jina, but she did not want to have a permanent Love Relationship with me, I guess just the way I did not want to have a permanent Love Relationship with you, so it evens out after all, but I have forgiven Brooklyn, hold no anger or resentment towards her anymore. Sometimes I wish I could invite all my loved ones under the same roof, have a grand party, that will be the day. I also fell in love with some other amazing women, you know Reena, we build a computer center together, Cici was special to me, Susmita was an exquisite woman, Princess was so feisty, Olga scared me a lot, yet she was so adorable, Olesya was a firecracker, Kira is so classy, Soheila was so difficult, Klaudia and I just got into an argument yesterday, Mika was so intimate with me, Cloe tries to be mean to me, Olivia and I talk about success, Mei is always complaining. I tried to find you in every one of them, yet, I also enjoyed their company, each one of them is unique, special and precious to me, just like you were. I don’t know if I will ever see you again, but I do hope that life gives us the opportunity to meet again, I wonder then how will it be, will I tell you how much I missed you or will I pretend to be fine, I don’t know. What I did not say to you enough while we were together, “I Love you Lisa, you are a part of my spirit and a millions goodbyes will not be able to remove you from my heart, you are in me and I am in you, separate yet united, we shall live in each other’s heart forever.”